To be a leader of men. I don't claim to understand the world of the woman, and am still learning all the time. Though that does not preclude my advances as a result of such different perspectives. Taking stock in the in-betweens by taking time as time passes and you grow, there seems to be a lot more there, all of the time.

What if you have the wrong scope--in the way that a way has become the thinking, and when a third enters this room, you realize the stale air as it whips out the door. What is the purpose, and what if it's wrong, or off, or self-centered, or right? There is learning in all of these, right? You can make a living out of any of these.

constructing makeshift assemblages

So yesterday, my whole family, including my Grandpa and Grandma, loaded up an entire shopping cart to the brim with small single canisters of garlic + onion roasted peanuts--77 of them (4 up, 4 across, 4 high, an extra row of 3 across 4 high, and a loner for scanning at the register)--because at Bed Bath & Beyond their after New Year's Clearance of their overstocked inventory sold each, dirt cheap, to treasure hunters like all of us. It was the highlight (with not a tinge of scorn) of my three-day return trip home to spend with my family and as I mentioned, grandparents, whom I rarely see, and only make trips out here to the US on off years, this time for months to extend their visas, and for the weather; and they are getting old. It was humorous and satisfying, we bantered with the cashier pushing the wide load up to his aisle, my grandfather laughed, chuckled what are you going to do with all those peanuts! He laughs much less now, this time, his humour has stumped just like the gracefulness of his walk has, it used to be always, as far as I could remember, though I learned he during his years as a father in my dad's upbringing was a stern seriousness and forceful anger not to be reckoned with, had the heartiest always laugh with his grandchildren, friendly and warm, to the touch, positive, always moving, always constructing makeshift assemblages for the garden peppers and plants, and yard projects; always makeshift, never prepackaged, from which we've all inherited resourcefulness.

This morning, as my dad drove me to the airport and my grandma sat quiet in the backseat, he told me about his recent happenings, changes, goals, and said this to me,
Religion, to me,
is a sort of continuity
after you die, what's
after... Bed, Bath,
Beyond!,
and he laughed.

living in hypercapitalism

One has not the leisure of thought anymore, or, it is hard to come by in this pre-prepared world of channels-always-running and gadgets of capitalism to fill the voids. We don't know the voids exist, or maybe not until we are old and the materials lose their luster to us; then is when we must look around, turn the head from this arm to shoulder to that arm, and see where we stand here, what we're worth, or worthy of. Attention deficit, the object of attention now universally, most chronic with deficiency of is our own mind, and the literature reflects that--not deep delving, polemic, sustained. Not grand, like the human ego is meant to be, in dreams, mythmaking, sentences, especially in expression--that materialization, of art. Since we were children: Now in bursts, like static, sometimes even beautiful showers of sparks but never one, deep, masterful. What if I deprived my kid of the world he lived in, down this continual trend? Would the deprivation prevent the deficit of self? The world changes, and to whom am I to tell it to stop, one says. The command to Stop it!, and to See it! are completely not one and the same, and especially I would advocate more tending towards the latter in preserving the human spirit.

Funny Companies

The personification of companies; the human in the world is the companies: they're the only ones big enough to be a significant player now, no?; think about it, you can't have a stage with an insistent live audience, human size, and have the main love, duel, tragicomedy occur between an ant, and another ant, twiddling on a single 4-inch wide plank of wood, maybe once in a long while mounting and dismounting a nail head or crossing the chasm onto the adjacent next wood panel that makes up the floor of the human-sized stage left, where in the denouement comes along with a giant termite that whiffs up the second ant and carries him away offstage. And then the 350 people in the audience start clapping, rising like a tide and the lights offstage come on, no, that can't happen. The narratives carried on on billboards and acts of corporate foundations overseas, actors in commercials funny people, funny companies. Everything's so funny these days. Haha.